Letters
by quintessentially
Summary: Reid is still shaken up by Prentiss' death, but he gets a letter that surprises him.  Oneshot.  Takes place after Lauren, Season 6.


Reid wrote a letter every day to his mother. Every day, without fail. He wrote about cases, he wrote about teammates, he wrote about funny things, he wrote about serious things. He wrote about anything and everything.

But there was one other letter written to his mother that was sitting in his desk. It was one that she wasn't supposed to get. Ever.

After the anthrax poisoning incident, he knew he had to do it. He was a wreck calling Garcia, but he knew that he would always have one last thing to say to his mother. Just in case something terrible happened, he had a goodbye letter in a drawer.

He saw it every time he open his desk drawer to get a file, or a pen, or paper. It reminded him of his mother, but it also reminded him that he never wanted her to get it.

Today, when he saw it, however, it made him sad. It reminded him of loss, and death, and saying goodbye.

Today was his first day back in the office after Prentiss died. He was still devastated over not being able to say goodbye. He hated that. He never got to give a goodbye letter to Prentiss. And he missed her terribly.

He reached for the letter. Sometimes, when he was feeling sad, he would read the letter. He didn't know why, but it made him feel a little better. Maybe it was because he talked about all of the wonderful things about his mother. But today, he just threw the letter back in the drawer. He never wanted to hear the word "goodbye" again.

"Agent Reid?" He looked up. "There's a letter for you."

"Oh. Thanks." Reid was handed a blank envelope. He had no idea what it was about. He opened it and began to read.

_Dear Reid,_

_If you're reading this, then you already know that Doyle got to me, and that I'm gone. I'm so sorry that all of this had to happen. I never wanted to have to say goodbye to the team._

_I'm writing this to everybody on the team: I know you're sad. This wasn't supposed to happen. And I know that some of the team is blaming themselves for this. It's nobody's fault but Doyle's._

_This part is just for you, Reid. I'm not writing this on anyone else's letter. I want you to know that everything is going to be okay. I promise you. I'm so sorry that this all happened. It was so hard to sit down and write this letter knowing that the probability that Doyle would get me was very high. It was hard knowing that this letter would be the last thing you would have to remember me by. It was hard knowing that this was the only way that I would be able to say goodbye._

_Reid, I'm telling you that in the end, it will all make sense, and everything will be okay. I know you don't believe me now, and you're probably feeling hurt, alone, confused, upset. I know. But everything will be all right._

_This was probably the hardest letter I had to write. I want you to know that I'm crying now while I'm writing this letter. It's so hard to say goodbye to you when I know that you and I were so close. And it's so hard to say goodbye because I wasn't done with you. There were so many things that I wanted to do with you, say to you, talk with you about. And I can't do that right now._

_I suppose that this is a sort of confession. Reid, I love you. I love everything about you. I love your smile, your eyes, your hair, your dorky clothes, your incredible brain, your soft touch, your kindness and compassion. You are the most amazing person that I've ever met, and you have so much potential and ability. Don't ever let anybody tell you what to do. And don't ever let anybody control you._

_Well, I guess I should end this letter. I don't want to, though, because then it feels like I'm losing you. And that is such a painful realization. But I have to let go. And you just have to trust that everything, in the end, will be okay._

_Love,_

_Emily_

Spencer's lips started quivering. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't. Tears began falling down his face. He clutched the letter. It was his last connection to Emily. And now it was real. She was really gone. She had really said goodbye.

He didn't believe her when she said it would be okay. He had loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her. But he was too scared to tell her. And now he had lost her. Forever.

He wiped a tear away. "Goodbye, Emily," he whispered. "I love you, too."


End file.
